Your conversations are trifling and superficial. You are vulnerable with your thoughts and feelings. He tells you just enough to keep you in a go-no-where relationship. When you try to talk to him about the status of your relationship, he tells you what you want to hear or he skirts the issue.
Without dealing with the underlying emotions and learning to depend on yourself, you’re only going to get sucked into the same vicious cycle again. But now more than ever is the best time to remember the bad in the relationship. When you’re ready to move forward, you have to put aside any romantic notions about your ex and your former relationship.
Step 2: Learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
Yeah, I notice this in myself as well at times. And I think by OP’s own description of themself, I think they also are this way but are viewing it as a positive. Maybe it is, when compared to having started even further at the opposite end. But there’s still a lot of improvement to be had there I think. They are too into the dating game and dynamic. I really like the dating ritual, and accept that guys are expected to approach, etc.
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But I can see myself getting caught into his whirlwind of emotions if you let myself. That push and pull syndrome sucks my joie de vivre, destabilizes me and occupies my head space too much. So, i let him deal with his stuff and don’t engage in any of his bs. Yea at the end of the day you really got to think about what you want. Most people honestly are willing to put up with the abuse and inconsistency because they’re so damn desperate.
It’s weird that I didn’t notice this in my friends before or that I brushed it off or actually took on their sarcastic put downs as true. I’ve reduced contact with those people now. But really my relationship was just me being more like a mother to them . Contact us todayfor a confidential chat to find out how you can stop enabling and start empowering the addict in your life.
But, as one researcher opines, often folks with narcissism don’t take introspection as an opportunity to heal, only modify their behaviors temporarily. People with symptoms of narcissism rely on other people for their self-esteem and self-worth. They might feel down or depressed if they don’t feel like they’re being admired and praised.
You do things for your partner that he or she can and should be doing, all in the name of love.
It is understandable wanting to help someone, especially if it is someone you love or once loved, but it should not be at the cost of your own self-worth. You should not be in the relationship if you are confident that if you were to end it, the other person would not be able to survive on their own. This relationship model is referred to as codependency. Codependency is a learned behavior and an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship, according to Mental Health America. Individual or group therapy may be more beneficial than couples therapy, since it encourages the person to explore their feelings and behaviours as an individual outside of the relationship.
When it comes to a partner, you can’t let their negativity affect you. The reason that I’m so heavily involved in teaching you all about BPD and codependency and everything else is because I spent years educating myself so that I would never get hurt again. I have all these experiences and knowledge that I can’t just keep to myself. If you’re the type of person that likes to simply ‘go with the flow’, then that flow is going to wash all over your flame and burn all that desire your partner originally had for you.
So it’s no wonder that there are so many issues people keep into adulthood. It’s fair to blame parenting as my parents didn’t do a great job and I had to seek out multiple mentors to learn how to succeed in life. What about a person with BPD traits in a relationship with a counterdependent? I was diagnosed with BPD but have done DBT and other modes of therapy.
You need to begin to do things for yourself and make yourself the priority. These situations cause gaps in emotional development in the child, leading them to seek out codependent relationships later. If you’re not codependent, it’s difficult to relate to the mindset. If you’re not codependent, you like yourself enough and you trust that you will always have a partner who’s there to love you.
Taking care of our needs — really loving ourselves — isn’t selfish or narcissistic, it’s actually incredibly healthy. Expecting reciprocity and respect from our partners isn’t unrealistic, it’s love. And some codependents are also dealing with addictions, known as “Double Winners,” inshallah so their experience is different than mine. All in all, though, codependency is an emotional dysfunction that affects so many aspects of life. One, you need to have individuality in relationships. Staying true to who you are helps you from getting lost in the relationship.